A Matter of Eminence

Cast:
Lady Etu Aikan, a master artist
Mr Steo Tolton, butler to Lady Aikan
Lord Goldacre, an artist
Lord Kracok, an artist
Miss Jakui Jakecu, aide to Lady Aikan
Mrs Vhasha Wulay, housekeeper to Lady Aikan
Lord Kret Krelaw, Minister of Culture
Finan, Lord Kracok's aide

Act I, Scene I

In a tiny, poorly-lit room stands a narrow bed, a plain wooden chest-of-drawers and a makeshift easel made from flimsy wood. A youngish trill man stands before the easel, squinting in the dim light as he puts the finishing touches on a large landscape painting. The canvas depicts an evening scene rich with colour and verdant with flowers; even in the poor light it is clear that the painting is of startling quality. The artist, however, is peculiarly dressed: he wears a shapeless artist’s overall which appears to have been sewn from an old bed-sheet, though the trousers that poke out from beneath are much finer in quality.
A tap sounds on the door. He looks up, startled and alarmed, and drops his paintbrushes hastily onto the top of his chest-of-drawers. He claws at his makeshift overalls in a panic as the door opens and an older trill lady’s face appears around it.
Vhasha Wulay: Steo? Are you shut up in here again? I need your help in the--
Vhasha stops and gapes at Steo, then steps quickly into the room and shuts the door behind her.
Vhasha Wulay: Steo! You aren't painting again! Goodness, you have some nerve. You know what her ladyship will say if she catches you at it!
Steo casts a final, longing stare at his beautiful painting and sighs deeply. Carefully, he lifts it from its easel and slides it under his bed, throwing his paint-splattered overalls after it. Underneath he wears the plain, spruce black suit of a butler.
Steo Tolton: You don't know for sure that she'll be angry.
Vhasha Wulay: What would you like, written evidence? I imagine it would come in the form of a dismissal. Their eminences don't like being outdone by the common-folk. The arts is for Lords and Ladies an' the like. It will bring you nothing but trouble, Steo, you mark my words.
Steo Tolton (sadly): It...makes me happy, Mrs Wulay. I can't give it up.
Vhasha Wulay: I'm just concerned. There's nowt anyone can do for you if her ladyship finds out and takes it amiss. You'll be cast out with no reference, and then what?
Steo Tolton: I understand, Mrs Wulay. I appreciate your concern. I'll be careful.
Vhasha Wulay (in a softened tone): What's this one called?
Steo Tolton: It's called... Evendew.
The housekeeper nods, her gaze fixed a little uncertainly on the canvas.
Vhasha Wulay: Oh! I see. The way you've done the dew on the petals there. Very clever, indeed.
Steo Tolton: (quietly): I mixed a little diamond dust with the paint, you see.
Steo Tolton grasps the easel and gives it a few practiced twists and turns, collapsing the frame into a folded pile of wood. This he stores under the bed with the rest of his artistic paraphernalia, and the room reverts to an ordinary butler's chamber. Steo stands still for a moment, looking rather lost, but the ringing of a bell somewhere out in the corridor breaks the silence.
Vhasha Wulay: That'll be her ladyship. It's the bell out here, so she wants you.
Steo Tolton: Do I look right?
Vhasha Wulay casts a quick glance over Tolton's spotless uniform, her gaze lingering on his hands.
Vhasha Wulay: You've a spot of paint on your left hand there, dear, but otherwise perfect. Just give it a quick rinse in the pot there.
Steo Tolton hastily scrubs the paint from his hands and dries them on a plain white towel that lies folded nearby. Ready, he makes a minute adjustment to the hang of his jacket and leaves his room.
Vhasha Wulay looks after him for a long moment, her lined face filled with concern. Then, with a faint sigh, she casts one last look around the room. A single paintbrush lies forgotten atop the chest-of-drawers; she grabs it and secrets it under the bed, tutting under breath.
Vhasha Wulay: Too careless, that poor fellow. He'll be getting himself caught, one of these days.

Act I, Scene II
The butler's room fades from view, replaced by a very grand drawing-room indeed. Lady Etu Aikan lounges on a crystalline divan in the centre of the room. She is a handsome lucidian woman of indeterminate age; her confident manner and ease suggest maturity, but her crystalline face is impassive and unmarked by age. She is dressed in a beautifully draped gown of beryl-golden silk, and her throat and hands glitter with jewels.
Steo Tolton enters and bows crisply. His eyes are sad, but he quickly hides all expression behind a mask of cool, professional civility.
Steo Tolton: You rang, my lady?
Lady Aikan: Ah, Steo! Good fellow. Come along in. You'll know, of course, that there is a grand exhibition at the Glamwing Gallery in a few days, and I am in sore need of your help. You're the only one who knows how to handle my paintings!
Steo Tolton: (expressionlessly) I hadn't heard, my lady, but I am of course at your service.
Lady Aikan casts a cool eye over her employee, one eyebrow rising.
Lady Aikan: Had you not? I had not thought you so oblivious in general, Mr Tolton, but no matter. I am to have my usual room, and I have some eight or nine paintings which must be safely transported. There is to be an auction afterwards, so they must arrive pristine; I cannot have my buyers dissatisfied with their purchases.
Steo Tolton: Of course, my lady. I will give them my very best care.
Lady Aikan: Good man. Of course you will. Now, before we get to any of that I would like your assistance on something else. I haven't quite decided yet which paintings to exhibit. Would you be an awfully good soul and give me your opinion?
Steo Tolton (shocked and stammering): M-my opinion, my lady? Are you c-certain?
Lady Aikan: Why should I not be? You have seen the paintings in progress, and know them almost as well as I do, I am sure.
Steo Tolton draws himself up, his shoulders back, and nods, though his face registers bemusement.
Steo Tolton: Very good, my lady.
Lady Aikan: Marvellous. No time like the present, then. Off we go!
Lady Aikan rises languidly from her divan and dusts down her gown. She leads the way from the drawing-room, her head held high with aristocratic pride. Her butler stares after her with obvious confusion, blinking, then quickly follows.

Act I, Scene III
A paper programme unfolds in the air, obscuring the previous scene. The paper is covered in neat script announcing THE GLAMWING GALLERY EXHIBITION! in bold letters. The chatty tones of an aetherchannel broadcaster gradually increase in volume until the voice fills the stage.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Good evening and welcome to Culture Hour! This is Phabgafo Fibudo with all the news, and do I have a show for you! You'll all be dying to know what's coming up at the Glamwing Exhibition and I'm about to tell you!
The programme fades away to reveal Steo Tolton's room once more. Steo himself sits on his bed, his jacket thrown over the headboard and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up. His pose is casual and relaxed as he listens to the broadcast, but his face is marred by a frown and his wispy white feathers look disordered, as though he has been running his hands through them.
Phabgafo Fibudo: We've got Lord Kracok in attendance, Lady Reii and Lady Xaneke! There's new work coming from Lady Aikan - no surprise there, hahaha - and the news you're all dying to hear. Yes! The mysterious Lord Fairwing has done it again! A new painting with the sought-after Fairwing insignia has this minute turned up at the Gallery, and oh my! It's a beauty. The painting's called Evendew, and the critics are already saying it's a new masterpiece. The bidding's set to go into the millions! Don't miss it!
The broadcast fades away, leaving the butler's room in silence. Steo Tolton rubs a hand over his face and feathers and sighs, his face creased with anxiety. Soon the light tap at the door sounds once more; this time Steo is unsurprised.
Steo Tolton (wearily): Come in, Mrs Wulay.
Vhasha Wulay steps in and silently closes the door behind her.
Vhasha Wulay: I just heard the show...
Steo Tolton: So you know.
Vhasha Wulay: You can't have...
Steo Tolton: Shouldn't have, perhaps. But I did.
Vhasha Wulay: I can't believe it. You're Lord Fairwing? All this time?
Steo Tolton's face twists into a grimace and he flops onto his bed.
Steo Tolton: No, I'm not a Lord. If only I was. Just a butler with wild aspirations.
Vhasha Wulay: Steo...
Steo Tolton: It's too late for warnings, Mrs Wu. I'm committed now. Didn't you hear? The painting's already at the gallery.
Vhasha Wulay nods and stares at the floor for a moment. Her ageing face is sad, as though she is already seeing Steo's humiliation and disgrace in her mind's eye. But then a slight frown creases her brow and she looks up at her friend.
Vhasha Wulay: Why did you tell me the painting's name? You needn't have. I'd never have known, then.
Steo is silent for a long moment, staring at the ceiling.
Steo Tolton: I wanted to tell someone. It's... such a big secret to keep.
Vhasha Wulay: You needn't worry. I won't betray you.
Steo Tolton smiles at the housekeeper with obvious affection.
Steo Tolton: I know. That's why I chose you.

Act I Scene IV
The stage blurs and clears to reveal a grand Hallifaxian Gallery with shining, crystal-jade walls and long, elegant windows. The ceiling soars to impossible heights overhead, set with stained glass casting coloured lights onto the ground below. The gallery is bustling with people, the walls lined with magnificent paintings of all shapes and sizes. Lady Aikan is visible in the throng -- and Steo Tolton, secreted near the back. He wears a slightly shabby-looking top hat pulled low to hide his eyes.
A booth has been set up in one corner, and a mugwump female in a smart trouser-suit is holding centre stage. Her eyes scan the crowd, taking note of the guests, and a moment later Phabgafo Fibudo's voice fades in over the excited chatter of the exhibition's guests.
Phabgafo Fibudo: And here we are at last, Exhibition day! I don't know about you, but I'm so excited I can hardly talk.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Well, that's not true, is it? Hahaha! Never mind! Off we go! There's an unbelievable throng down here at the Glamwing Gallery. I swear, it gets busier every year. I can see Lady Aikan -- dressed to the nines, as usual! Boy, what a gown! And there's the Ladies Reii and Xaneke -- and Lord Kracok! We've got the whole gang here. No doubt they're dying to see what goes down later at the auction. More than a little friendly rivalry there, I shouldn't wonder.
Phabgafo Fibudo: No sign, of course, of Lord Fairwing! What I wouldn't give to get an eyeful of that gentleman! We've heard all manner of rumours over the years, of course, but nothing's ever been confirmed. Maybe this'll be the year his lordship is finally unmasked. I've heard a whisper to that effect, and I'm not the only one. Oh, hold up! Looks like we're getting started!
A dignified and decidedly aristocratic lucidian gentleman walks into the clear space at the front of the gallery and holds up his hands, smiling from beneath his grand hat.
Lord Kret Krelaw: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am the Minister of Culture, as you are no doubt aware, and it is my great pleasure to welcome you to today's event. We have some of the finest talent in Hallifax gathered here today, and they have presented a splendid array of paintings for our consideration. You've had a good couple of hours to take a look, and I hope you're ready to bid!
The crowd cheers and claps, and Lord Krelaw beams.
Lord Kret Krelaw: Very good! Then let's get on with it, shall we? First up, Lord Kracok -- a personal friend of mine, I don't mind saying, and he's a jolly good artist. Do I hear one hundred thousand sovereigns for his delightful new work, Summer Sun?
The bidding swiftly gets going and Lord Krelaw is hard-pressed to keep up with the enthusiasm as painting after painting is bid for and claimed by various of the exhibition's guests. An assistant places a SOLD tag on each painting as the bidding concludes, until only one painting remains unclaimed: Steo Tolton's glorious evening landscape. An expectant hush falls as Krelaw turns to it.
Lord Kret Krelaw: That's right, it's that time! The one we've all been waiting for. And it's a beauty, isn't it?
There is a roar of assent from the crowd and Kret Krelaw laughs.
Lord Kret Krelaw: Very well, without further ado then: do I hear five hundred thousand sovereigns for Evendew?
The bidding is swift and urgent. Steo Tolton's face pales as the bidding rapidly exceeds one million, then two million, then three... when the bidding finally stops at over five million gold, he appears to be having trouble breathing.
Lord Kret Krelaw: SOLD, then, to Lady Edabik! That's your second Fairwing, isn't it? Jolly good luck! And what a frenzy! I hope Lord Fairwing, wherever he is, is pleased.
Lord Kret Krelaw pauses a moment, his cool grey eyes scanning the crowd, but no one steps forward.
Lord Kret Krelaw: Ah well, the mystery of Lord Fairwing continues! Let's hope he has another painting for us soon, eh? Thank you for your attendance and I hope to see you all again for our next auction!
Phabgafo Fibudo: That's it, the bidding's over, and wow! Five million gold! I think that's a record, folks, and deservedly so. If I had millions of gold to throw around, I'd have snapped it up myself. But the Fairwing mystery remains unresolved! I'm disappointed, I don't mind admitting, and I bet I'm not the only one. Maybe next time! Good job, Fairwing, whoever you are!
Lady Edabik stands before Evendew, admiring her new painting with an expression of rapture on her face. Steo Tolton pauses to watch her for a few moments, and then quietly backs towards the door. Before he can reach it, however, a slight figure bundled up in a dark overcoat and hat bumps into him and stuffs a piece of paper into his hand. Before Steo can even register that it has happened, the dark figure is gone.
Steo unfolds a tiny note, his expression puzzled, and quickly reads it. His face changes at once from mild confusion to horror, and he looks up, staring wildly at the crowd. There is no sign of the person who gave him the note, and he instead makes for the door, almost falling through it in his haste to get away.
The stage turns dark, and a crumpled piece of paper appears enlarged in the air -- the note that Steo was reading. On it in plain script are a few sentences.
Mr Tolton -- or should I say Fairwing? WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You will deliver every coin of the five million gold you so fraudulently obtained to the Aviary at midnight tomorrow. If you do not, the story goes to Phabgafo Fibudo. All of Hallifax shall know they have been duped by a commoner and a servant!

Act II, Scene I
The curtain closes to signal the end of the first act, and a beautiful melody plays from nowhere until the curtain rises on act two. Lady Aikan lounges once more on her divan, but her manner is no longer relaxed and languid. Her handsome face seems troubled, and she taps her fingers restlessly against the clear crystal of the couch.
After a moment, Vhasha Wulay walks in and curtseys, closing the door behind her.
Vhasha Wulay: Your ladyship called for me?
Lady Aikan: Hello, Mrs Wu. You are prompt as ever. Am I right about young Tolton?
Vhasha Wulay (guardedly): He does seem troubled, ma'am, yes.
Lady Aikan (sighing): You will have to tell me, Mrs Wu. I know he has confided in you. Besides, I might as well inform you that I am already aware of Mr Tolton's secret.
Vhasha Wulay blinks in surprise, and sighs. She crosses to the divan and hands Lady Aikan a crumpled note which is obviously Steo's. Lady Aikan reads through it quickly, her frown deepening.
Lady Aikan: So someone else is on to Mr Tolton, are they? I wonder how.
Vhasha Wulay: How did your ladyship know?
Lady Aikan: The smell of paints is quite familiar to me, you will recall, and when I detected it coming from the servants' quarters I had to investigate. Goodness, wasn't I surprised to see such a fine painting standing there on a shabby little easel! Everglow, it was. He's a rare talent, that fellow.
Vhasha Wulay: I felt sure you'd be angry, my lady. If you don't mind my saying. Or I'd have told you sooner.
Lady Aikan: Protecting Mr Tolton? That's all right. I quite understand. I can't see why I would be angry, however.
Vhasha Wulay: Oh... some would be, ma'am, as I believe you know.
Lady Aikan: Perhaps so. In fact, this note suggests we may indeed have an envious party on our hands somewhere. Someone trying to remove the competition, do you think?
Vhasha Wulay: Very possible, my lady.
Lady Aikan: That will be all. Do what you can for Tolton.
Vhasha Wulay: Very good, my lady.
Vhasha Wulay curtseys and quietly leaves the drawing-room. Once she is gone, Lady Aikan sits up and looks around her room.
Lady Aikan: Jakki? Are you there?
A hidden door in the wall opens up, and a slender lucidian woman steps out. Everything about her appearance implies a desire to appear completely nondescript, from her plain dress and boots to the bland expression of her crystalline face.
Jakui Jakecu: Milady?
Lady Aikan: You heard all of that, I suppose?
Jakui Jakecu: Every word.
Lady Aikan: Good. You know what to do. I'd like that other matter arranged as soon as possible, please. I hope Mrs Wu won't get in your way.
Jakui Jakecu: (with a cold smile) Oh, no. Not a bit.

Act II, Scene II
The stage darkens and changes. The Aviary shimmers into view, bathed in moonlight. A lone figure stands at the top, his posture alert and tense. His shabby top-hat is pulled low over his eyes, and he is wearing a thick overcoat against the night-time chill. At his feet is a large, heavy bag.
A second figure slips into view, so completely covered in dark clothes that nothing else at all can be discerned. The newcomer looks Steo over and then holds out one dark-gloved hand, gesturing impatiently.
A dark figure: That the loot? Hand it over. Quick-like.
Steo Tolton shoves the bag across the floor with his foot, and the dark figure stoops to pick it up.
Steo Tolton: Is that it? Am I clear?
A dark figure: If it's all here. If not, you'll be hearing from us again.
Steo Tolton hesitates, but decides against saying anything else and quickly flees, leaving the stranger alone with the bag of gold. But the figure has no sooner opened the bag than a third figure arrives, a slender lucidian female. In one hand she wields some manner of heavy object, and this she raises and brings down sharply upon the head of the dark figure. The stranger drops with a cry of pain, and his assailant moves to stand over him, weapon raised.
Jakui Jakecu: Identify yourself.
A dark figure: Job Jobson.
Jakui Jakecu: (with a sneer) Very clever. Hand over the bag.
Job Jobson stares up at Jakui in confusion, rubbing his head.
A dark figure: Wait, I know you. You're Aikan's aide, aren't you? Why didn't you say? It's Finan.
Jakui Jakecu: Finan? Wha... aren't you Lord Kracok's man? Your employer put you up to this, or did you come up with it all on your own?
Finan: (sulkily) If you're going to be like that, I shan't tell you anything. And I was all set to share, too.
Jakui Jakecu: Share? How?
Finan: I could bring you in on the scheme, and Lady Aikan too. Bet she'd like to have Fairwing out of the way, eh?
Jakui Jakecu: Maybe. I think she's got a finger in that pie already, though. What're you offering?
Finan: Fifteen percent. Five for you, ten for her ladyship.
Jakui Jakecu stares down at Finan, her eyes narrowed.
Jakui Jakecu: Why only five for me? I'll be doing the dirty work.
Finan: Fine, fine. Ten for you as well.
Jakui Jakecu: What will Lord Kracok say if he knows you're out here handing out his spoils?
Finan: Who says Kracok has anything to do with it?
Jakui Jakecu: Okay... what do you say we talk about this somewhere warmer?
Finan: Reckon that's a fine idea.

Act II, Scene III
The stage darkens altogether, hiding the figures of Jakui and Finan as they walk out of the Aviary. In its place, the butler's room at Lady Aikan's manor is revealed. Steo Tolton is pacing about inside it in a state of great agitation, his formerly neat uniform a mess. Vhasha Wulay sits on the bed, watching him. The voice of Phabgafo Fibudo fills the room, in the midst of her latest aether broadcast.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Oh my, sensational developments in the story of Lord Fairwing and his remarkable paintings! The word's out: Lord Fairwing doesn't exist! YES! It's an assumed name, ladies and gentlemen, but who's behind the facade? I'm here to tell you, we'll be getting that news very soon indeed. Our best people are hard at work on this VERY intriguing mystery and we won't rest until we can reveal all!
Steo Tolton: Who did you tell? You must have told someone!
Vhasha Wulay: No one, I promise! No one at all!
Steo Tolton: But somebody found me out! How? And I don't understand. I paid them off, why would they unmask me anyway?
Vhasha Wulay: They haven't, have they? Has someone mentioned your name?
Steo Tolton: Not yet, but you heard what she said! It's only a matter of time. If it wasn't the blackmailers, then it's someone else. I guess if one person can find me out, others can too.
Steo Tolton slumps onto the bed and puts his face into his hands. Vhasha Wulay pats his shoulder comfortingly.
Vhasha Wulay: Never mind, dear. Just don't do any painting for a while, hm? These people can't discover you if you don't do anything to reveal yourself.
Steo Tolton: No painting? For how long?
Vhasha Wulay: I... until it's over, I suppose?
Steo Tolton: When will that be? Maybe never. I couldn't go the rest of my life without painting. Maybe... maybe I should own up. Get it all over with.
Vhasha Wulay: You can't do that! The value of your work would drop to nothing. You'd be ruined.
Steo Tolton: (with a shrug) I never did it for the money. Never expected to make any. I just wanted people to see my work...
Vhasha Wulay: Don't give up yet, dear. It may yet turn out well.
Steo Tolton doesn't look convinced, but he pats Mrs Wulay's hand in gratitude and musters a smile for her.
Steo Tolton: Let's hope you're right.
Phabgafo Fibudo: And we've got news! Didn't I tell you we'd be quick? I've just had word that someone's coming to the station now to give us the full low-down. They'll be here any minute. Are you excited? I'm excited!
Steo Tolton and Vhasha Wulay exchange a glance, and Mrs Wu grips Steo's hand.
Phabgafo Fibudo: I can't believe it! It's Lady Aikan! She is right here in my studio, wearing that enigmatic smile we all know and love. Hello, your ladyship! What have you got to tell us?
Lady Aikan: I can't reveal everything now, Phabgafo, but I'll give you the whole story, I promise! The MInistry of Culture's called a last-minute exhibition for tomorrow at the Glamwing, and I'll be introducing you to Lord Fairwing.
Phabgafo Fibudo: So he's real? There is a Lord Fairwing after all?
Lady Aikan: No more now, Phabgafo, sorry! You'll have to wait for tomorrow.
Phabgafo Fibudo: And that's it, she's gone! I don't know about you, ladies and gentlemen, but I'm drawing some conclusions here. She had that knowing smile the whole time. What do you think? Is Lady Aikan the real Lord Fairwing? I'm betting she is! Listen tomorrow to find out if I'm right!
There is silence in the room for several moments as Steo stares in horror at Mrs Wulay, his face drawn.
Steo Tolton: Lady Aikan...? But how can she know? Is she going to unmask me?
Vhasha Wulay: (helplessly) I don't know, Steo.
Steo Tolton: Or... no... she couldn't. She couldn't claim to be Lord Fairwing herself, could she? Phabgafo seemed pretty sure!
Vhasha Wulay: I don't know, dear. We'll have to wait and see.
Steo Tolton buries his face in his hands once more as the stage darkens, obscuring the two servants form sight.

Act III, Scene I
If the Glamwing Gallery looked busy before, now it is positively heaving with people. There is barely room to stand; it looks as though the majority of Hallifax is crammed into the magnificent building, and the chatter is tumultuous. Excitement and speculation are high, and the voice of Phabgafo Fibudo can barely be heard over the noise.
Phabgafo Fibudo: ... and there's Mr Nalo Halfwing, with Miss Nime Crystalplume on his arm! My, my! Everyone who's anyone is here (and a lot who aren't if you take my meaning - haha!). Oh gosh, and here's Lady Aikan and Lord Kret! Pipe down, everyone! Let's hear what they have to say.
Lord Kret Krelaw: Morning all! The Ministry of Culture would like to thank all of you for turning up to our little event, and at such short notice too! Jolly good of you! But you haven't come here to listen to me ramble on, have you? I'll let Lady Aikan take the floor! Lady Aikan!
Lord Kret Krelaw bows with a flourish to Lady Aikan and trots back into the crowd, leaving her ladyship alone upon the dais. Behind her is a large object concealed by a covering of blue silk. As Lady Aikan steps forward, a trill manservant steps behind her and draws away the silk, revealing a half-finished landscape painting.
Lady Aikan: Hello, everyone! I've a great deal to tell you today, but first I'd like to introduce you to Lord Fairwing's current work-in-progress! The piece is as yet untitled, but I've no doubt it will be every bit as good as Evendew! Now now, don't push me about! There'll be plenty of time for you to take a closer look after I'm finished. And get your purses ready, because this one's going to go for a lot when it's finished!
Steo Tolton stands to one side of the gallery, his shabby hat once more pulled low over his eyes. His face is white with shock as he stares at the painting, quite obviously another example of his own work.
Lady Aikan: Excellent, excellent! In fact, I'm going to step aside and let you all do that right now. Lord Fairwing's due to make his appearance in approximately one hour, so don't go away!
There is a rumble of discontent from the crowd at the delay, but the majority surge forward onto the dais as Lady Aikan makes her retreat, and soon the painting is surrounded. Lady Aikan disappears, and the focus returns to Steo Tolton -- who is no longer alone.
A pair of dark-clad figures approaches him and grabs him by the arms. "Come along, Mr Tolton," says one in a low, gruff voice. "We'd like a word with you." Steo struggles, but in vain; he is borne away out of the gallery, leaving the chattering crowds behind.

Act III, Scene II
The scene changes to a tiny, drab room. Its windowless state suggests that it lies underground; the distant roar of a chattering crowd can be heard, revealing that this place is a storage room underneath the Glamwing Gallery. Steo Tolton is bundled into the room by his abductors and pushed into a chair.
Steo Tolton: What's going on? I paid you! I did everything you told me to. Why am I here? What have I done? Th-that painting was just for fun -- I wasn't planning to sell it -- I don't know how Lady Aikan got hold of it --
The dark-coated figures take up stations either side of Steo Tolton's chair and draw themselves upright, their gaze focused on a second door that stands open at the rear of the room. Lady Aikan walks in, stepping carefully around the trailing hem of her twinkling silver gown.
Lady Aikan: Do be quiet, Tolton. If you'll stop babbling for a moment, I'll tell you everything.
Steo Tolton: (bewildered) You! You're behind all of this? B-but my lady -- I trusted you, I... stayed as your butler when I could have left long ago...
Lady Aikan: Calm, my good fellow. Things are not necessarily as they seem. Now then, I do hope you plan to finish that lovely piece that's currently sitting upstairs?
Steo Tolton shrinks back, his face white at the apparent threat.
Steo Tolton: I... if I must.
Lady Aikan: Good, good. We haven't much time. Jakki, Mrs Wu, strip him please.
One of the dark figures sweeps off her hat and scarf to reveal the cool features of Jakui Jakecu. The other follows suit, revealing herself as Mrs Vhasha Wulay. Steo Tolton stares in dismay from one to the other, his eyes full of betrayal as he sees Mrs Wulay. She meets his expression with a kind, reassuring smile and gently removes his shabby top hat.
Steo Tolton: You as well, Mrs Wu? B-but why? And why are you stripping me?
Lady Aikan: Oh, gracious. I had hoped you possessed a mite or two more intellect, Tolton, but never mind. We are not your blackmailers; those will be taken care of a little later. What I can't be sure of is that we've identified them all; so Jakki and Mrs Wu have been putting up a nice pretence, just in case you were under observation at the gallery. They do make excellent shady sidekicks, do they not?
Steo Tolton: I-I don't understand.
Lady Aikan: (with faint distaste) They are stripping you because we can hardly present Lord Fairwing in those clothes. Did I not provide you with more reputable clothing? I can hardly imagine Mrs Wu to have been so very remiss as to let you walk about in those shabby things.
Steo Tolton: B-but...
Lady Aikan: Dress you up in a nice suit -- I happen to have one here, how convenient is that? -- and a good hat; polish you up a bit; you'll do just fine. There's precious little time to work, however, so I do hope you will stop pestering me with all these questions.
Steo Tolton merely stares at her in complete bewilderment, and Lady Aikan sighs.
Lady Aikan: If you glance behind you -- actually could you pass them over, Mrs Wu? That's much easier, thank you -- you'll notice a set of Patents of Nobility. Fine-looking documents, are they not? The mysterious Lord Fairwing, it turns out, is actually the long-lost scion of House Goldacre! How remarkable! Only imagine my surprise when Jakki discovered that my very own butler is an aristocrat by blood!
Steo Tolton: M-me? A Lord? B-but I can't be... it's impossible.
Lady Aikan: Why, no: it is merely unlikely, and all the most exciting tales are! I'm excited, aren't you?
Steo Tolton blinks.
Lady Aikan: Oh, well. You will be.
Steo Tolton: Is this... real?
Lady Aikan winks at him, her cerulean-blue eyes twinkling enigmatically.
Lady Aikan: Of course it is. You don't mean to say that you doubt my word, as a fine -- VERY fine, if I do say so myself -- upstanding member of the Peerage? Shame on you, Mr Tolton! How could you?
Steo Tolton: (hastily) Oh! No, of course I don't. I would never.
Lady Aikan: That's better. Stand up, there's a good chap, and let Mrs Wu and Jakki dress you. That suit is perfect -- exactly your colour. How marvellous. There, don't you look quite exactly the thing?
Steo Tolton has been neatly divested of his threadbare clothes and now stands arrayed in a crisp silken suit of a rather stylish mulberry colour, with shoes and hat to match. He stands, blinking in confusion, as Jakki and Mrs Wu hang watch-fobs, chains, rings and various other adornments about his person. The colour is indeed ideal, and he looks every inch the young aristocrat.
Lady Aikan: Not bad. Not bad at all. Now then, posture! Stand straighter! Shoulders back -- WAY back! You are a Lord, man! Act like it! That's better. And chin up, please. Up! Up more! Good. It is best to look down one's nose at the world if one is to be taken seriously as an aristocrat.
Steo Tolton strives to follow Lady Aikan's instructions, and he is mostly successful, though the pose soon becomes so exaggerated as to be comical. Tutting, Lady Aikan crosses to him and adjusts him until she is satisfied.
Lady Aikan: Good. Practice that. You're going to need it. Your speech is passable, but we can do better. Plummier, Tolton!
Steo Tolton: Er... plummier?
Lady Aikan: (In an exaggeratedly posh accent) Plummy! You must behave as though you have a simply delicious plum in your mouth, but you are absolutely determined against eating it -- or even touching it with your teeth.
Steo Tolton: (In a passable imitation of Lady Aikan's speech) I... er, does it have to be a plum? I am partial to apples.
Lady Aikan: Don't be absurd, of course it has to be a plum. How could you talk at all around an apple?
Steo Tolton: (abashed) Ah yes, of course. I didn't think of that.
Lady Aikan: Don't worry, you'll get into the swing of it. What do you think Jakki, Mrs Wu? Will he do?
The two co-conspirators step back to admire their handiwork, and each pronounces him ready. Lady Aikan beams and claps her hands together.
Steo Tolton: S-so... I, er... have I got this straight? You are passing me off as an aristocrat, so I can carry on painting? Why?
Lady Aikan: My dear fellow, you are a master artist. You deserve to take your place in society.
Steo Tolton: B-but, why help me? Aren't you... angry?
Lady Aikan rolls her eyes and fixes Mrs Wulay with a grim stare.
Lady Aikan: I gather that notion has been put into your head, but no, of course I am not angry. Do you think I should resent the competition? Ah, but it is the spur! Without it, we should all languish and rot in our own complacencies.
Steo Tolton: But you've... you've gone to so much trouble. For me.
Lady Aikan: Well, not entirely for you. Some few of my friends have purchased your paintings. And anyway, we've barely got started yet. Wait until you see your new estate.
Steo Tolton: M-my estate?
Lady Aikan: I chanced to get hold of a lovely villa -- thirty-five rooms altogether, ten of them bedrooms, a few hundred acres attached. Lovely place.
Steo Tolton: Ah... but you must let me reimburse you...
Lady Aikan: Not to worry. I used your money to buy it. I'm afraid there isn't much left of the five million -- what with purchasing the estate and furnishing it as befits your station, the majority is gone.
Steo Tolton: You...? But then, you were the blackmailer after all? Why go to so much trouble?
Lady Aikan: Weren't you listening before? Blackmail! As if I would. Nothing to do with us, but Jakki was able to get your gold back. Say thank you, there's a good chap.
Steo Tolton: Oh... I... thank you, Miss Jakecu.
Lady Aikan: (interrupting) Then we are ready, I think, and we had better hurry up and go! Oh, but one final thing, Steo: I wouldn't spread around your former name and profession, if I were you.
Steo Tolton: Oh... why not?
Lady Aikan: Well! No doubt some among our fine fellow citizens would find the story thoroughly romantic, but many wouldn't, and I do fear the value of your paintings would fall significantly. Best to keep quiet, wouldn't you say? You're Lord Goldacre, all proven and confirmed; leave it at that. A mere incidental matter of eminence is so easily cleared up, if proper discretion is practiced.
Steo Tolton: I... I still can't understand why you...
Lady Aikan: Because there are some among the aristocracy who have no notion at all of appropriate behaviour, and I couldn't think of letting them get away with such disgraceful actions. Blackmail indeed! Trying to muscle out a stunning master artist! Too, too shocking. And then there's the paperwork. Gosh, it could be years before Steo Tolton, butler, could be right-and-properly turned into His Lordship, and in the meantime, all manner of mischief! This is all much, much nicer.
Lady Aikan finishes her long speech with a beaming smile directed at Steo, her crystalline skin flushing yellow. Steo Tolton manages a tremulous smile in return, though he appears overwhelmed.
Lady Aikan: Oh well, you'll smile later. Let's be off! Our public awaits!
Lady Aikan sweeps out of the room, her head held very high, and Steo Tolton follows in her wake, trying rather comically to copy her demeanour. Jakki Jakecu and Vhasha Wulay follow silently behind, closing the door of the drab little room as they go, and the scene fades.

Act III, Scene III
Phabgafo Fibudo: Here they come! This is it, folks, the moment of revelation! I see Lady Aikan just coming up onto the dais now -- and she's got someone with her! Is this Lord Fairwing? If so, I stand corrected! It's not Lady Aikan at all! He's a youngish chap, trill, quite handsome. Gorgeous suit.
Lady Aikan: Ladies and gentlemen! We have long thought, have we not, that House Goldacre was extinct! Its last scion lost many years ago. Tragic, isn't it? So sad. Well, I'm delighted to tell you that in this case, the rumours have fallen far from the truth. Allow me to introduce you to Lord Steo Goldacre -- sometimes known as Lord Fairwing!
The crowd cheers and claps. Steo Tolton stares blankly into the audience, his eyes rather glazed. He has, however, managed to maintain his upright posture and his chin is held very high indeed. Lady Aikan nudges him in the side and whispers something, and Steo immediately turns on a smile.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Oh my word! Who would have thought it? I wonder where this Goldacre's been hiding? He must be one of these hermit types -- frightfully inconvenient for society. But dear Lady Aikan's talked him out of it. Well done, Lady Aikan! And welcome, Lord Goldacre!
An angry male voice gradually makes itself heard above the applause and the babbling of the crowd. In another moment, a very tall, broad-shouldered lucidian wearing a very red suit shoulders his way onto the dais and walks right up to Steo, looming over him threateningly.
Lord Kracok: What nonsense! I never heard such rubbish in my life! I know who this young man is, and he's --
Lady Aikan: Ah, Lord Kracok! How good of you to join us. I think these gentlemen would like a word with you.
Lady Aikan gestures, and five uniformed security officials step forward and seize Kracok, ignoring his protests and his struggles. They are saying something to him, though the crowd's excitement has surged to such a level that no words can be heard.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Oh. My. WORD. This couldn't possibly get any more exciting, folks! That's Lord Kracok up there, and he's under arrest! The charges are blackmail and extortion! Who would've thought it of such a, ahem, charming gentleman? Aren't I right? Oh, well done indeed, Lady Aikan! Isn't she a jewel?
Lord Kracok is wrestled off the dais and dragged through the crowd to the nearest door. Jeers and whistles follow him as he is forced through it and out of sight.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Well, what a show! Looks like that's it, ladies and gents! What a day, eh? We've traded Lord Kracok for Lord Goldacre, and I can tell you, I for one welcome the exchange! Let's hope Lord Goldacre's a decent sort, eh? He looks it. I like that face. Let's see if we can get a word with him. Lord Goldacre!
Lord Goldacre: Er. Hello, Phabgafo.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Goood morning! And where have you been hiding yourself all these years? What was the reason for the alias you used, Lord Fairwing?
Lord Goldacre: Er... I, um. Well, I like my peace and quiet. It's difficult to paint with too much... er, noise and visiting and such.
Phabgafo Fibudo: Oh, dear! And here you are, up to your neck in society! Does this mean there'll be no more paintings from you?
Lord Goldacre: Oh, no! Not at all!
Phabgafo Fibudo: So there will be more paintings!
Lord Goldacre: Oh, yes. Many, many more paintings.

Act III, Scene IV
The noise of the Glamwing Gallery dies away and the stage turns dark. Nothing happens for a moment or two, the stage remaining blissfully quiet after the tumult of the exhibition. When the light returns, it appears as a soft, mellow glow illuminating Lady Aikan's drawing-room. She sits comfortably in a stuffed armchair, a porcelain saucer at her elbow and a cup of tea in her hand. The new Lord Goldacre sits opposite, looking rather less comfortable. He is holding his cup of tea as though he is terrified of dropping it, and his eyes dart around the room.
Lady Aikan: Do relax, Lord Goldacre. You're quite familiar with this room, after all!
Lord Goldacre: (in his plummiest tones) Oh, ah... yes, but in a rather different capacity.
Lady Aikan: (her eyes twinkling with amusement) I can permit you to polish one or two items later on, if it would make you feel better.
A sheepish smile crosses Lord Goldacre's face and he chuckles.
Lord Goldacre: That's very kind of you, Lady Aikan.
Lady Aikan: Isn't it? I am rather kind, come to think of it. Now, I know that you will be up to your neck in social engagements for a while, but I do hope you will be able to visit me again tomorrow. Shall you?
Lord Goldacre: It would be the greatest pleasure, naturally.
Lady Aikan: (mischievously) Oh, I rather hope it will. More tea?
Lord Goldacre: Thank you, that will be lovely.