When I stepped out of the Portal of Fate, I never expected to see myself where I am now. I'm rolling in success, my Will is strong, and I have a collection of dear friends who support me and help me grow in turn. I have almost everything I've ever wanted, I have families and a life worth living. I worship a beautiful and amazing Divine, who I have given my all to. I serve a proud and free city, who I protect and love, despite everything. My guild is small and beautiful and I serve alongside great individuals in keeping it well-kept. I have everything. Where do I go now? I had goals, goals to be closer to Them. To understand, to learn. I'm there now, but I know I don't fully understand. I don't think that will ever come. 

One of the most important things I've been taught is that I am many. I am more than one. So I embraced my changeling nature. I became many. And then I took it a step further. I became not only a changeling in body, but in gender. In spirit. I am many. I house many in this soul, this Shard, this spirit. It is something I've embraced, because it is who I am. And yet, the journey to this point has been phenomenal. Has been majestic and epic and beautiful and I could not have done it without my friends and mentors. All of them.

And yet, my journey has been a rocky one. Filled with strife, of my own creation. Filled with doubt, that I only nurtured within my self. But these things happen, and I have chosen not to dwell on them. Learn from them, yes. But not dwell. There is no place in my life for such baggage now, not with what I must accomplish and do. My life still lays ahead of me, I see no end to it in the near or even distant future. But no, I ramble on. The purpose of this scroll was to explore my new nature, or perhaps, my old nature only newly brought to light.

Being a changeling is essentially embracing all of your paths. Opening the world before you and embracing what comes. It is odd how people will treat you when you are a different race or gender than what they normally know you as. The differences between us all really stand out then. The nuances of Sharded nature, of opinions formed over decades, and perhaps centuries. The racism and blinding of one to others different from themselves. Perhaps it is a problem with us as a whole, perhaps not. We've survived quite long enough as a group with our racism, with our skewed views on other people. I've witnessed first hand the subtle differing of opinions when one is male over female. A bit before embracing my natures completely, I experimented. I changed my gender and watched how many people treated me differently. In subtle ways and not so subtle ways alike. How, when I visit the Glomdoring as a faeling or illithoid, I'm not looked at quite as strangely. How, when I am dracnari, there is a quiet solidarity among my peers in the Gaudiguch. It is eerie, and I strongly suspect many people are unaware of their changing perceptions. 

Partaking of different bodies has shown me many things, and quite possibly quelled some of my racism. Not all of it, mind you. But some of it. I have seen what it is like to embrace a new nature, and watched how it changed my personality. And it does change one's personality. As an elfen, I tend to be more vain. Arrogant of my own appearance and beauty. It's not too terrible, but it is nice to love one's body in a vain way. As an illithoid I am harsh, brutal. Ruthless. My typical empathy leaves with my Shard, and my inner worm coils in its place. That change is easily the strangest, fleeing my Shard flee and my inner worm appear in its place. As a dracnari, I find myself more creative in my ideas. I find the spark of creativity flows the best in this body. My aslaran form, the form I originated in, it is like returning home. With all of the issues of my youth. Vain and arrogant, not about my body, but about my spirit. About myself in general. In contrast, my loboshigaru form is a general fun-loving spirit. Playing and revelling in joy is what being myself as a loboshigaru is like, it's a wonderful respite from everything. My faeling nature is quiet, dark. Brooding. Until a switch is flipped, and I turn so quickly into a trickster. These are the forms I take most commonly, I have yet to explore others. Almost, I am fearful in what they bring. I fear how my personality will change with each form. What will I be like as an orclach? How about a viscanti. I fear in some forms I will lose my passion, who I am. 

I choose to think my new nature brings me closer to Them. To the Lord and Lady. Perhaps I'm slightly mad in thinking this. Who knows. I do know that this entire change had made me more contemplative and thoughtful. Not that this is a bad thing, but I am learning I need to balance my passion with my new-found docility. It is a hard task, and perhaps I avoid it a bit. But I think, mayhaps, it is a time for action. And no longer docility. I think I shall strut out into the Basin, into the world, and show them that I am still me. That I've finished digesting my new nature, that I am still Alary, albeit a new Alary. These are my thoughts.