A DIAMOND OF THE FIRST WATER
 
A YOUNG LADY'S GUIDE TO DECORUM

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INDEX
 
PAGE 3: Foreword
 
PAGE 4: Grooming
 
PAGE 5: Comportment
 
PAGE 6: Conversation
 
PAGE 7: Courting
 
PAGE 8: Social Gatherings
 
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PAGE 3 - FOREWORD
 
This book is intended as a basic guide and introduction to
proper, decorous behaviour for young noble ladies of the
Magnagoran Houses. It gives recommendations for how to best
present oneself, as well as that which is best to avoid.
Despite being aimed at the unmarried, it still serves as a
helpful reminder for the more mature and married women of
nobility, as well as those seeking to guide their own young
offspring in a manner befitting their status.
 
This is a small selection of topics, and while they are
touched on but briefly, they are thorough enough to serve
any young lady who wishes to separate herself from the lower
classes and savages and become a paragon of female behaviour,
a diamond of the first water.
 
Decorum is not something to be practiced sporadically.
Constant observing of the proprieties will ingrain the
behaviour, until it is perfectly natural for a woman to be
above reproach in all things. Appearances are extremely
important in all matters. A serene facade can hide a telling
show of temper that would undermine the lady's position, for
example. Dressing modestly will ensure a lady is taken
seriously for her wit and intellect, instead of lauding her
only redeeming quality to be her physique. An amiable
conversationalist will hide a burning curiosity or even a
measure of disdain.
 
For countless years, the inhabitants of Magnagora have faced
accusations from outsiders and the ignorant of madness and
instability, denigrating them to little more than mindless
abominations. It is through refinement, decorum and strict
self-control that these false assumptions are destroyed, and
it is through the instruction in this book that ladies in
particular can polish themselves to a veritable shine.
 
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PAGE 4 - GROOMING
 
Before any young lady can make an impression with her wit or talents,
her outward appearance will have been noted and a preliminary judgement
of her character made. Thus, it is of the utmost importance for any lady
who wants to make a favourable impression to be mindful at all times of
her dress and hygiene.
 
One should bathe regularly, ensuring no foul odour emanates from the
body to offend any company. A light application of perfume is fitting, a
subtle choice so as not to be overpoweringly cloying or obtrusive on the
senses. Nails, claws and talons should be kept clean and neat, with a
preference for shorter lengths to be most respectably presented. Lacquer
should be used sparingly and only in subtle, pale tones.
 
When considering the face, a lady should keep it clean and fresh. Heavy
makeup is vulgar on a young woman, though a married or more mature woman
may enhance her features with light touches of powder, blush, and
perhaps a hint of kohl about the eyes and carmine upon the lips. To
paint one's face in an obvious manner is to be overt like a lady of the
night, certainly not an image a proper decorous lady wishes to present.
 
Hair should be kept neat, trimmed and secured back from the face.
Tresses that obscure the visage are distracting and give the impression
of one seeking to hide, giving the viewer cause for suspicion or
suggesting timidity or guilt. A coiffure of pinned curls or a neat
chignon is always an elegant option, though loose hair is acceptable so
long as it is well-cared for and not a distraction for the lady's hands,
constantly requiring adjusting. Twice daily brushing and regular washing
will promote a healthy sheen to any colour hair. It is unseemly to have
obviously dyed hair, so any touches to what nature has given should be
subtle and well-maintained.
 
There are several treatises on fashion which any young lady of note will
familiarise herself with. In general terms, clothing should always be
clean, mended, pressed, and modest. Adhering to fashions is well and
good, however more important is choosing styles and colours to suit the
individual, for to be clashing and ill-fitting would be highly
embarrassing. Legs are for walking, not for flashing, so choose skirts
and dresses that fall below the knees, and select necklines that leave
as much to the imagination as possible. While one may enjoy the
appreciative glances of handsome young men, many young ladies forget
that so too do the elderly and the unsightly have wandering eyes. No
proper lady wants the reputation for dressing like a common courtesan,
especially a lady looking to make an advantageous marriage. Cover your
charms, ladies; or to put it another way if you are not selling, do not
advertise. No respectful woman will ever be selling.
 
As well as fitting properly neither too tight nor loose - consider what
suits the body type. A fitted, narrow-waisted gown may look attractive
on a slender girl, but on a more rotund girl it will not. She would do
better to consider an empire waistline and flowing skirts for a more
flattering silhouette, for example. For unsatisfying figures, consider a
tight-laced corset to sculpt the body into a more pleasing shape.
 
Expensive silks will do little if they are not employed properly. Choose
shades that flatter the hair and complexion. Ask the advice of an older
woman experienced in such matters if you are unsure. If the
colour-of-the-moment does not suit you, forgo it for a shade that will
complement you. Being seen in blue when the fashion calls for pink will
not hurt you so much as wearing pink and clashing terribly with your
vivid red hair would.
 
Shoes are not considered an optional extra; proper young ladies will
always wear slippers, shoes or ankle boots, and those with no more than
a modest heel. At the minimum, a lady should wear a dress or blouse and
skirt with appropriate footwear, and preferably also a pair of gloves.
Accessories, however - when properly selected - will add to her outfit
in a way that depicts her to be discerning and respectable. Such items
include a cloak or coat in cooler months, a hat, stockings, shawl, or
scarf. An apron is appropriate for chores, to keep one's gown in
pristine condition. In addition to clothing, consider other items that
will enhance one's outfit, such as a brooch, cloak pin, reticule,
parasol or string of pearls. As with most things relating to fashion,
less is usually best. One does not need to be a glittering peacock to
appear elegant and sophisticated.
 
While each individual element of one's appearance should be given
consideration, do not neglect to inspect the entire ensemble as a whole
before heading outdoors. Do your shoes complement your gown? Are the
pins in your hair a distraction from the loveliness of your eyes? Is
your belt a bit much with your jewellery? Before leaving home for the
day, a lady should critically examine herself in preferably a
full-length mirror to ensure she is projecting the appearance she wishes
to, and that should be an aura of respectfulness, demureness, style and
taste.

As a final note on general appearances, a married woman or widow has
somewhat more freedom in her dress than an unmarried young lady due to
having been wed. While they too should adhere to the above guidelines,
they will have a touch more liberty in their necklines and makeup for
example, as such things are not seen quite so vulgar in a woman of age
as they are in the young.
 
::A note on formal attire:
In formal situations, even greater care should be taken to dress
appropriately for the occasion. Skirts and blouses should be eschewed in
favour of a full-length gown with at minimum gloves and stockings paired
with a cape, cloak, shawl or stole, along with well-chosen jewels. An
elegant reticule can be a practical addition to carry a handkerchief and
spare hair pins in case quick repairs are required, and a small fan will
allow one to stave off unsightly perspiration in crowded affairs while
also adding sophistication.
 
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PAGE 5 - COMPORTMENT
 
A decorous demeanour is exceedingly important for any respectful lady.
No matter what thoughts or emotions are rife beneath, one should always
present a calm facade. A lady's actions, posture and speech can speak
volumes, so it is best to ensure you are sending the correct message.
Appearing calm and unperturbed is a difficult task, but well worth the
effort and self-control, for a woman who can remain cool-headed and
unaffected by strife is one of strong character and deserving of
admiration. This may not actually be the case (though striving to be
thus is advisable for everyone), but outward reactions are what you will
be judged by.
 
Practice good posture: slouching and lazing about on a couch may be
passable in one's private quarters, but in the presence of company a
lady should both sit and stand with a straight spine, knees together and
hands at rest. Feet may stay firmly side by side or be crossed neatly at
the ankle. Fidgeting suggests discomfort and a short attention span, so
to avoid such distracting movements keep your hands neatly clasped at
your waist or in your lap and feet still.
 
One's movements should be precise and graceful. For those ladies
unfortunate enough to be of a clumsy bearing, they should take
particular care with their actions and practice walking and moving
without incident. When walking, steps should be neither hurried nor
shuffling, but light and moderated. Mammoths stomp and pixies flit; a
lady should glide, as though every step were part of a dance. Keep that
spine straight, with shoulders back and head up: not staring at the sky
or admiring your shoes, but keeping mind of your direction. If this is
an area of difficulty, practice walking about your own chambers with a
large tome balanced carefully upon the top of your head, until you can
maintain an elegant gait without the book slipping or falling.
 
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PAGE 6 - CONVERSATION
 
A respectful lady knows how to moderate her voice to be pleasing to the
ear. She is neither shrill nor boisterous, instead speaking gently and
never raising her voice to a shout, for such is uncouth and the mark of
a hoyden. By the same token, whispering and mumbling denotes shyness and
poor manners; speak succinctly and clearly at all times. Any speech
impediments such as lisps and stutters are highly trying upon the
listener and thus great pains should be taken to eradicate them from all
communications.

In conversations, politeness should always be maintained. Do not
dominate the conversation or employ rude tactics such as interruption
and speaking over others, but rather be patient and interject only to
improve the interaction. Listen well and ask astute questions to reveal
a lively mind and interest in your company. Too much silence can be
construed as insulting, so endeavour to contribute to conversations
involving you, maintaining a balance of listening and conversing. Most
will not maintain interest in an insipid woman, nor will they respect a
woman who speaks appallingly. Seek to be known as a woman of substance.
 
Know when to avoid sensitive topics, and learn to employ methods to
redirect the conversation should feelings grow tense or words harsh. One
should never be seen to pry into the private lives of their
acquaintances, instead allow them to confide only as they feel
comfortable to do. A lady will be discreet, knowing when to share
personal anecdotes and when to maintain her own confidences. Polite
company do not need to know the intimate details of one's life;
maintaining a measure of mystery and distance is a woman's privilege and
can save her from scandal, embarrassment, and worst of all, from boring
her associates.
 
Sensitive topics differ depending on the company, so as a general rule
remain aware of the feelings of those in your company. Politics can be a
lively subject, but can also cause dissent, as too can exchanges about
religion. Safe topics generally include the weather, current fashions
and trends, recent events, books and hobbies. So as to not fall behind
in discourse, become familiar with a wide range of topics, enabling you
to give meaningful and insightful contributions in many areas. Doing
such never fails to display intellect and perception, both things a
proper young lady should strive to emulate.
 
A properly refined woman is courteous and restrained, keeping herself
from hysterics and unladylike outbursts. Under no circumstances will she
shriek, scream, snort, shout or sob in public. She will, at all times,
present herself as calm, amiable, polite and polished. At no times
should she be heard cursing or engaging in crass conversations, and idle
gossip should be highly discouraged. Expressing her own displeasure in
such things from others will reinforce that she is indeed a respectable
lady and not some bawdy peasant, and will act as a fine example for
those of her acquaintance.
 
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PAGE 7 - COURTSHIP
 
Courtship can be an exciting time in any young woman's life, as well as
a very delicate and potentially awkward time. Be it love, politics or
even unwanted advances, knowing how to act appropriately will put any
young woman in good stead, and soothe the hearts of many an anxious and
protective parent.
 
As in all situations, proper decorum demands the parties maintain
modesty and appropriate behaviour at all times. Depending on whether the
advances are reciprocated, unwanted or neither the behaviour to be
employed will be subtly altered.
 
Where both parties are actively engaged in pursuing a relationship, one
must remember to maintain restraint. Strong passions may affect us all
at some time or other, but they should not dictate one's actions and
lead them from propriety. Maintain a decorous distance, lest carnal
temptation prove overwhelming. A woman of repute does not associate in
private with men without a chaperone, thus ensuring her virtue is
unquestioned. A similarly noble man will respect and appreciate such
conventions, wanting his bride to bring him honour with her unsullied
reputation. Keep physical contact to a minimum; a light hand upon his
arm as you are escorted, for example, calculated to show interest
without being forward. Such intimacies as an embrace or chaste kiss on
the cheek should only be allowed after betrothal, and even after
marriage no further liberties should ever be seen in public, for such
would be crass and inappropriate.
 
Flirtation should never be obvious, else all present will find it
awkward and consider the young lady unbecomingly forward. The
intricacies of such a dance are many, and will be covered in a future
volume, but in broad terms, remain decorous at all times, and employ
subtlety when alerting another of your preference for their company for
matters of courting. Never give in to the temptation to be overly
familiar or scandalous in dress, as this will send entirely the wrong
impression. Lust is not a firm foundation for successful marriage,
presuming such a relationship begun in that manner made it so far at
all.
 
When discouraging an unwanted suitor, it is important to be clear in
your disinterest, while still leaving his pride intact and you without
blemish. Be polite always, and yet cool, endeavouring to show no measure
of partiality that may encourage the suitor, least you find yourself
accused of being a tease. Refrain from all physical contact as much as
possible, and only maintain eye-contact enough to be polite. It is easy
to stray into rudeness, but such would reflect badly on the young lady
in question, so instead she should be faultlessly civil and no more.
Should the suitor continue impressing unwanted affection, seek the
assistance of an elder relative, as they may quietly give a firm word to
dissuade him where you cannot.
 
It should go without saying that openly courting more than one man at a
time is tantamount to announcing oneself as a trollop; if you are
uncertain as to your affections, keep them to yourself and engage simply
in friendship. A fine young woman may find herself the subject of much
romantic interest, however remaining firmly platonic will keep her from
scandal and raise her as a paragon of virtue.

Rumours of affairs and loose-behaviour can be the social death of any
woman, young or old. Avoid it at all costs, as no courtesan was ever
accepted into elevated social circles.
 
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PAGE 8 - SOCIAL GATHERINGS
 
A soiree, ball or any other such social gathering is the test of every
refined woman, and her opportunity to put into practice all that she has
learned, allowing her to shine with womanly perfection. A proper lady
does not arrive alone; instead she should be accompanied by a gentleman,
and proper chaperone, family, or group of friends. Arriving too early is
inconvenient upon the hosts, being too late is insolent, and being last
to leave would be unthinkable. There is no fault in only making a brief
appearance, so long as the appropriate hosts and guests are greeted and
some effort is made to partake in some of the entertainment. Staying out
until dawn is not behaviour befitting an unmarried young lady.
 
Perfectly presented in dress and demeanour, she will seek to be an
amiable companion by engaging in lively conversation with a variety of
parties, making new acquaintances and reaffirming old friendships by
ensuring to do more than cling tightly to a wall or only one or two
friends.
 
Unless she is abysmal on her feet, she should indulge in any dancing
occurring, remembering to maintain grace and proper distance from her
partner. Refusing at least one dance with a partner upon request is
considered rude, therefore a decorous woman will accept pleasantly at
least for one dance. It should be noted that dancing more than twice
with the same partner is considered a show of partiality, so unless one
is courting it should be avoided and partners instead varied.
 
Alcohol may flow freely at such an event, but a respectable woman will
limit her imbibing to one glass or abstain altogether, opting for
lemonade or similar for refreshment. A tipsy woman is one who does not
have complete control over herself, and that is quite unacceptable. If
it is likely to bring offense by refusing an offered glass, an
enterprising woman will keep hold of it, appearing courteous without
needing to consume the contents save for the occasional small sip. On
the topic of sipping, it should be noted that guzzling is uncouth at the
best of times, and alcohol in particular should be lingered over and
savoured.
 
Food should not be refused, lest even a single glass of champagne reduce
one's wits; conversely, gorging at the buffet tables is highly
indecorous. Eat daintily with small bites, mouth closed and never speak
with a mouth full of masticated mush. Keeping a handkerchief at hand can
ensure no unsightly smears grace lips or cheeks, and a timely visit to
the powder room will allow any traces to be privately removed from
between teeth or fangs before returning to the gathered guests.
 
If a young lady follows the elementary advice outlined above and in the
preceding chapters, she will sparkle like a diamond of the first water,
thrilling both those of her own age with her manners and countenance,
and also those of older generations. When a woman presents herself as
one without reproach, she will find there are few who resent her, few
who would strive against her, and many, many opportunities for success.
  
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