She is a nimble shadowdancer faeling and is quite small, her features appearing disproportionately large for her size. Dry and off-coloured, her skin is strikingly reminiscent of ash, flakes coming off occasionally and getting caught in her equally grey hair. Her eyes have a compounded appearance, the rusty orbs glowing like dying embers upon a mischeviously elfen face. Extending from a puff of fuzz her back, her wings are similarly whitish, however the reddish-brown streaks that run through them accent the drab colour. Curiously enough, her arms also posess the same patches of fluff, which look quite similar to the feathery antennae that sprout from her forehead.


I cut out the part about you looking Malnourished, as that's more something that you could be RPing. I also cut out the bit about the circles on your cheeks, as that unfortunately was making the desc a bit cumbersome. Otherwise, it mostly seemed like all that your Desc needed was a bit of verbal variety.

Red mongoose, I rather like your description as is, what exactly are you having issues with? Can you point out your trouble spots?

No I didn't, it's right after the skin, just like before.

I edited

I think mostly just how it all goes together/words i used/word flow/things. I was being really picky with it last night, though, and it got a bit better. I think I just don't like the way it all sounds, and am very open to suggestions, if anyone can think of a way to make it sound better.

Also, Kialkarkea is right! I'm changing it a little for my interpretation of her appearance, but I really like it in general

Fern recently reincarnated to human from furrikin, and I wrote up a new description within 15 minutes. Right now it's serviceable, but I'd like to streamline it a little more, if anybody has any suggestions?

I'm not so great with synonyms, so that would be really really helpful!

She is an ordinary human with antlers and stands just a bit under four feet in height. Strawberry blond, tangled, fluffy hair grows in a wild cloud about her head and shoulders, small pieces of plants caught in the locks. Her face is round, and her features are slightly reminiscent of a furrikin: wide amber eyes, a small snub nose that twitches as if searching for a scent, and a small pursed mouth. Painted onto the creamy dark tan of her face are curious markings, she has lined her eyes with a dark rust color, and from the middle of them, painted stripes down her face that reach her chin. Her athletic body is scratched here and there, as if she spent too much time in a briar patch, or climbing trees; and her fingers are stained with herbal colors.

She is a nimble shadowsinger faeling and is very small, her features appearing
disproportionately large. Her off-coloured skin is strikingly reminiscent of
ash, with what appears to be silvery dust slaking off occasionally from her
equally-pale hair. Her rust-coloured eyes have a compounded appearance, glowing
with a dim incandescence to light an impish face. Extending from a puff of fuzz
on her back, her wings are velvety and whitish, but splashy markings and
eyespots in the colour of dried blood add aggressive contrast. Curiously enough,
her forearms also posess the same fringes of fluff, and two feathery antennae
sprout from her forehead.


We got dandruff, back hair, arm hair...

I had Fania write this up and Jazella peck at it! I changed this in light of Lorina being Eventru's Avatar! Thanks ladies


She is an ordinary human changeling demigoddess and her body is infused with a radiant glow, a light fragrance of sea salt and mountain air invigorating the air around her. Sun-kissed tan skin accentuates her statuesque form, displaying firm muscles while still maintaining modest traces of feminine curves despite a modest bust and slender hips. Wisps of shimmering golden blonde hair gently frame her face and cascade down about her form in a mass of curls which ends at her hips. A delicate golden chain has been threaded and woven through her hair, allowing a small sapphire teardrop to rest at the centre of her forehead. Gazing out from beneath her long golden hued eyelashes are a pair of piercing azure eyes, complimented by a collection of delicate facial features including a small nose and soft, shapely lips. She is wearing a golden slave bracelet, 2 sets of blue flame prayer beads, a pear green cloak, a radiant silver headdress, a brilliant purple duck backpack, a mosaic wave crown, 2 etched amethyst rings, silken gossamer robes of palest blue, an etched beryl ring, an etched garnet ring, a braided ring of beryl and jade, a brilliant purple coat, a luxurious blue diamond ring, a radiant coronet of light, an emerald rose, an exquisite onyx and opal bracelet, a bright yellow rose, an embossed leather belt, a changeling cameo, a bunch of yellow freesias, and sturdy lace-up knee boots of thick umber leather. She walks with the truefavour of Eventru.

She is a fierce dracnari and deep emerald scales cover her small, yet graceful five foot frame. From the look of her glittering scales, they are kept in perfect condition. Her face is gentle and serene; large oval-shaped eyes of a deep molten crimson sit beneath a perfect scaled brow. They gaze about her surroundings curiously and with a gentle innocence, also seeming to glow from some internal fire. Another noticeable feature are her luscious, plush lips. They are naturally a deep black in colour, and small sharp fangs extend from the top of her mouth, digging into her bottom lip when her mouth is closed. The rest of her features are somewhat angular and sharp. Her body is slender yet lithe, though not without the pleasant curves of a young woman; with a slight chest, a waist that dips inwards while her hips get wider, gives her elegant form an hour-glass shape. From just below her lower back, extends a long tail, also covered in the same glittering scales of her body, often swishing innocently side to side.


- Is this ok for a description? I did it out again and agian, but I'm still thinking that it's either lacking something or, it's not...right in some way.

It's alright save for one detail, and that's her height. The general rule of thumb is to stay within six inches or so of your size. For Dracnari, that's usually 14 - around 7 feet. Five feet, while only somewhat short for a human woman, is INCREDIBLY short for a Dracnari.

Fixed. Don't be so redundantly redundant in your descriptions. Also, jewelry and clothing in your description is bad.

I'm just going to rewrite this entirely.



Feel free to improve on it, but remember to not go overboard with the descriptive modifiers. The thing to remember is that beauty is subjective. Not everyone will find you perfect or cute or sexy. Make your description neutral.

I would ignore Vibeke Lorina. Nothing wrong with having a bit of fluff in your description.

I do agree with Vibeke on that descriptions should be kept as neutral as possible. I do think descriptive modifiers are fine ( I tend to overuse them) and some fluff and unique items, even objects or clothing, can be put in the description (provided, of course, that you are implying said character is never seen without them, such as spectacles).

You're right, there's absolutely nothing wrong with making your description aggravating to read for the sake of having a couple extra words in it.

Seriously though, what's the point in saying you have "radiant, sparkling almond-shaped orbs of the deepest emerald hue" when you can say you have "green eyes" instead?

I'm hopeful that you are not serious, because the answer is so obvious.

It's a rhetorical question. The point I'm trying to make is that you do not need a retardedly complex and annoying set of adjectives and fluff to describe your character.

His skin is red. He has green eyes. He is tall. He is thin. He is strong.

Because there's nothing wrong with having a bunch of descriptions that read "she has brown hair and green eyes. She's also rather tall, and looks rather muscular."

It's a personalized depiction of your character. If they want to use more colourful language in it, more power to them. No one is forcing you to read it. Just skim it if seeing someone make use of their vocabulary bothers you so much.