Descriptions!

by Valarien

Back to Chronicles of the Basin.

Kaia2010-06-12 20:21:25
QUOTE (Vliuun @ Jun 7 2010, 07:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have a bold, bold request! Can somebody please base a description of the picture in the link, except for well, the face.

I feel bold nao.

This is ze one.



I'm assuming this is for a Viscanti, though the photo screams illithoid to me.

and bears himself in a manner belying his heritage. Towering at nearly nine feet in height, a hunched, slouching posture diminishes the impact of his size while at rest. Dusky red skin lies hidden beneath a sickly grey pallor, sinewy muscles and pronounced veins starkly visible against the wasting flesh. Perpetually in motion, thin, spindly fingers worry the fabric of his garb, grotesquely long fingernails emitting a faint scraping with each pass. Upon both narrow shoulders and decreasing in size as they progress down his corded arms, ebon spikes of cartilage and bone protrude from the skin. Glancing boldly toward his visage, you are immediately repelled by the foul stench emanating from his eerily grinning mouth - broken teeth and a blackened tongue clear indications of an advanced state of decay. A slightly raised, flattened nub positioned centrally features two nostrils that flair with each exhalation. Lidless eyes stare with unconcealed madness, thin irides the colour of pus encircling light-absorbing pupils of fathomless black depths. Upon his hairless crown, two rows of stunted horns begin above twin, hooded earholes, curling abruptly forward to graze dessicated hollows beneath prominent facial bones.
Kaia2010-06-12 20:35:28
QUOTE (Calixa @ Jun 8 2010, 10:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is what I made of it as a start. The bold part could do with some rewording, but I can't immediately think of anything better. Also, overawe critique? I've kept it short and simple for a start.



QUOTE
describe self stands a little shorter than her kinswomen, with small but elegant features and a slender build. Her long wavy raven-black hair is put up in a tousled bun adorned with a thick silken black bow, with strands falling down her neck and next to her round face. Deep grey eyes look out from under thin arched eyebrows, and soft pink lips are found under a short nose.


describe self stands slightly shorter than her kinswomen. Her features are elegant above a graceful, slender build. Long, raven-black hair escapes in wisps from a touseled bun held in place by a silky black bow, and wavy tendrils frame her slightly rounded face. Grey eyes return your regard from beneath thinly arched eyebrows, and soft pink lips quirk upward at the corners while a short, pert nose draws no undue notice.

I'm one to beat descriptions to death, but that's how I'd start, anyway.

Edit: See, I do everything in steps. I was dissatisfied with my above after rereading it. Here's the next variation.

describe self and stands just slightly shorter than many of her kinswomen. Her features are elegant above a graceful, slender build, and her movements possess a flowing seamlessness in keeping with her feminine form. Long, raven-hued hair escapes in wisps and tendrils from a touseled bun secured with an inky-black bow, gently framing her slightly rounded face. Grey eyes return your regard from beneath thin, delicately arched eyebrows, and soft pink lips quirk upward from beneath a small, aquiline nose.
Unknown2010-06-13 18:17:09
QUOTE (Kaia @ Jun 12 2010, 10:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm assuming this is for a Viscanti, though the photo screams illithoid to me.

and bears himself in a manner belying his heritage. Towering at nearly nine feet in height, a hunched, slouching posture diminishes the impact of his size while at rest. Dusky red skin lies hidden beneath a sickly grey pallor, sinewy muscles and pronounced veins starkly visible against the wasting flesh. Perpetually in motion, thin, spindly fingers worry the fabric of his garb, grotesquely long fingernails emitting a faint scraping with each pass. Upon both narrow shoulders and decreasing in size as they progress down his corded arms, ebon spikes of cartilage and bone protrude from the skin. Glancing boldly toward his visage, you are immediately repelled by the foul stench emanating from his eerily grinning mouth - broken teeth and a blackened tongue clear indications of an advanced state of decay. A slightly raised, flattened nub positioned centrally features two nostrils that flair with each exhalation. Lidless eyes stare with unconcealed madness, thin irides the colour of pus encircling light-absorbing pupils of fathomless black depths. Upon his hairless crown, two rows of stunted horns begin above twin, hooded earholes, curling abruptly forward to graze dessicated hollows beneath prominent facial bones.

Thank you! Will edit it slightly >.>
Kante2010-06-13 18:47:11
He is a fiendish archlich brood viscanti and stands at approximately six feet in height, scaly crimson skin is stretched taut over his limber and muscular frame. Stone grey eyes stare out imperiously at the world around him, taking in his surroundings with an almost oppressive sense of alertness. Two horns rise up from his temples in a majestic display, curling over themselves in a fashion similar to that of a ram. His head has been shaved bald, save for two small patches of long, braided and sable-coloured hair that are located next to his horns. A short, well-trimmed beard of a blackened hue adorns his face, outlining his well-defined and impressive features.


Anyone care to clean it up, improve upon it, or make it more bad-ass?
Kaia2010-06-13 19:07:22
QUOTE (Vliuun @ Jun 13 2010, 02:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thank you! Will edit it slightly >.>



I'd like to see what your final desc looks like!
Unknown2010-06-13 19:16:49
QUOTE (Kaia @ Jun 13 2010, 09:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd like to see what your final desc looks like!

I went and merged it with Ongaku's desc.

stands at just beneath seven feet. Pallid skin lies hidden beneath a sickly grey pallor, sinewy muscles and pronounced veins starkly visible against the wasting flesh. Perpetually in motion, thin, spindly fingers worry the fabric of his garb, grotesquely long fingernails emitting a faint scraping with each pass. Upon both narrow shoulders and decreasing in size as they progress down his corded arms, ebon spikes of cartilage and bone protrude from the skin. Scabrous skin wraps almost too tightly around his face and bald head, looking somewhat desiccated and unhealthy. Two great sets of twisted horns rise from his brow, one pair from his forehead above his eyes, the other from his temples. A third set of horns curls from behind his ears down to his jaw. Milky eyes devoid of pupils seem to stare blankly at his surroundings, his vague expression concealing his true nature within. Above thin, cracked lips, rather than a full nose, sit two nasal slits, just barely open enough to allow for proper breathing.
Kaia2010-06-13 19:59:23
very nice!
Unknown2010-06-13 21:35:40
Kaia made this for me and I wanted to show off the purdy wub.gif

QUOTE
carries herself in a manner befitting one of her taller elfen counterparts. She moves with a dark grace, her gestures both fluid and subtle. As though blessed with ever-present shadows engulfing her form, she possesses smooth skin of a faint lavender hue and two sets of narrow, segmented wings, velvet-soft, which feature whorls of dusky mauve amidst a deeper purple tone. Trailing gracefully behind her, the appendages flutter gently with each passing air current, an occasional self-induced movement implying the strength belied by their delicate appearance. Tightly-woven braids the colour of a starless night sky cascade in a riotous profusion easily mistaken for unbound locks from afar, many reaching her lower back. Nearly transparent, small, pointed ears are covered in a tracery of fine purple veins, the pair framing a face whose sharp angles are both intriguing and at odds with her otherwise gentle countenance. Almond-shaped eyes dominate the visage, argent irides flecked through with striations of ebon. A straight, unexceptional nose gives way to a lush mouth the colour of a freshly picked plum, its solemn positioning indicative of a sombre disposition.
Kaia2010-06-14 04:01:04
smile.gif
Kaia2010-06-15 05:32:52
QUOTE (Kante @ Jun 13 2010, 02:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Anyone care to clean it up, improve upon it, or make it more bad-ass?


He is a fiendish archlich brood viscanti and stands at approximately six feet in height. Scaly, crimson skin is stretched taut over a limber and muscular frame, rigid discipline of the body evident in both his posture and precision in movement. Stony grey eyes stare imperiously, taking in his surroundings with an almost oppressive sense of attentiveness. Two horns, heavily ridged and nicked from the hardships of what would appear to be a life of violence, rise from his temples in a majestic display before curling over themselves and ending in wicked points parallel to razor-sharp cheekbones. His head has been entirely shaved save for two segments of long, braided sable hair, anchored at the base of his skull and falling even with his shoulder blades. A short, well-trimmed beard peppered with deep mahogany and rust tones adorns his face, outlining his well-defined features.

Okay, so it's nearly 2am. I will probably pick this apart tomorrow, but here you go.
Seraku2010-06-15 06:15:06
Alright, I'm curious now so I figured I'd put up Seraku's description and see if there's anything that needs improving.

QUOTE
He is a fierce dracnari and displays a very pronounced draconic ancestry. Standing just under eight feet in height, he is covered in large blue-green scales that stick out slightly, almost like armored plates. Just above his eyes, a bone ridge extending a few inches towards his temples, increasing in height as it goes. Rising out of the top of his head are obsidian-black horns that extend three feet while conforming to the curve of his head. A scaled ridge extends from the back of his head, down along his spine,to the tip of his tail, where it forms an arrowhead shape. Large, sharp fangs hang down from his upper jaw ending in a seemingly permanent smirk. His elbows sport thicker, sharper scales that point up along the curve of his arm for about three inches. He has a medium-light build, with toned muscles run along his body, the most-defined being on his legs. His kneecaps have a similar style of scales as his elbows, but thicker and pointing upwards. Legs angling uniquely, he stands as a digitigrade. His hands and feet both bear five digit talons which seem rather clumsy at first-glance, but he uses them as well as any human hand would work. A well-muscled tail trails about four and a half feet behind him, twitching to and fro in a bored manner seemingly of it's own accord.
Kaia2010-06-15 06:23:27
quick glance,

Just above his eyes, a bone ridge extending a few inches towards his temples, increasing in height as it goes. <--- Not a sentence sad.gif

Tid bits like obsidian-black (doesn't need a hyphen, if I recall) but overall a lovely (read: scary, you dracnari person, you) desc.
Felicia2010-06-16 21:49:38
QUOTE (Kaia @ Jun 15 2010, 02:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
quick glance,

Just above his eyes, a bone ridge extending a few inches towards his temples, increasing in height as it goes. <--- Not a sentence sad.gif


Changing "extending" to "extends" will fix that, although that line could do with a bit of fancying up in general, too.

Finding the most elegant terminology to accurately describe intricate physical features such as the above is very difficult, however. I occasionally spend thirty or forty minutes reworking a single line, and have done so in this very thread. I'm burned out on doing descs at the moment, so I'll stop back by this thread later when I have more mental energy available.

Oh, and purely for the sake of humor: "Not a sentence" isn't a sentence, either. wink.gif

QUOTE (Kaia @ Jun 15 2010, 02:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Tid bits like obsidian-black (doesn't need a hyphen, if I recall) but overall a lovely (read: scary, you dracnari person, you) desc.


That's right. Color terms are exempt from the standard rules governing hyphenation.

"Obsidian black" is fairly redundant, however. The mineral is quite literally pure black in color, so "obsidian" should be used as a standalone synonym, not as a modifier for "black." This is only my personal opinion, mind you!
Casilu2010-06-16 23:01:29
QUOTE
He is a fierce dracnari and displays a very pronounced draconic ancestry. Standing just under eight feet in height, he is covered in large blue-green scales that stick out slightly, almost like armored plates. Just above his eyes, a bone ridge extending a few inches towards his temples, increasing in height as it goes. Rising out of the top of his head are obsidian-black horns that extend three feet while conforming to the curve of his head. A scaled ridge extends from the back of his head, down along his spine,to the tip of his tail, where it forms an arrowhead shape. Large, sharp fangs hang down from his upper jaw ending in a seemingly permanent smirk. Above this smirk is an elegant handlebar mustache, showing him off as a true gentleman. His elbows sport thicker, sharper scales that point up along the curve of his arm for about three inches. He has a medium-light build, with toned muscles run along his body, the most-defined being on his legs. His kneecaps have a similar style of scales as his elbows, but thicker and pointing upwards. Legs angling uniquely, he stands as a digitigrade. His hands and feet both bear five digit talons which seem rather clumsy at first-glance, but he uses them as well as any human hand would work. A well-muscled tail trails about four and a half feet behind him, twitching to and fro in a bored manner seemingly of it's own accord.




I believe I have perfected it. ninja.gif
Kaia2010-06-16 23:50:25
QUOTE (Felicia @ Jun 16 2010, 05:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh, and purely for the sake of humor: "Not a sentence" isn't a sentence, either. wink.gif


(I didn't put a period at the end.) tongue.gif
Calixa2010-06-16 23:53:24
QUOTE (Kaia @ Jun 12 2010, 10:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
describe self stands slightly shorter than her kinswomen. Her features are elegant above a graceful, slender build. Long, raven-black hair escapes in wisps from a touseled bun held in place by a silky black bow, and wavy tendrils frame her slightly rounded face. Grey eyes return your regard from beneath thinly arched eyebrows, and soft pink lips quirk upward at the corners while a short, pert nose draws no undue notice.

I'm one to beat descriptions to death, but that's how I'd start, anyway.

Edit: See, I do everything in steps. I was dissatisfied with my above after rereading it. Here's the next variation.

describe self and stands just slightly shorter than many of her kinswomen. Her features are elegant above a graceful, slender build, and her movements possess a flowing seamlessness in keeping with her feminine form. Long, raven-hued hair escapes in wisps and tendrils from a touseled bun secured with an inky-black bow, gently framing her slightly rounded face. Grey eyes return your regard from beneath thin, delicately arched eyebrows, and soft pink lips quirk upward from beneath a small, aquiline nose.


Bit late to reply, but thanks. Have left out the ribbon since it was too "cute" to go with the new greatrobe I got, but other than that I really liked it.
Tanwen2010-06-21 16:21:40
So... despite playing a pretty text-extensive MUD, I'm pretty terrible at writing prose! Can anyone help make my description flow better and suck less?

QUOTE
describe self thus has the delicate build one would expect from her kind, although she stands a little taller than most at 5'3". Her stark white hair, layered and well cared for, contrasts chromatically with her dark olive skin, yet her sidelocks frame her heart-shaped face well. She has amber eyes that are almost always wide and alert, and her eyebrows arch into an aquiline nose. Sprouting from her back are a pair of wings, about four feet each, that sport the same color of her hair, only the edges are decorated with gray spots of varying size.
Unknown2010-06-22 21:00:37
Yeah. This sucks. And I forgot the gills. Somebody help me?

He is a noble merian and his limber form is covered in light scales, a healthy
blue in colour. The scales located on his shoulders and creeping up his neck is
rougher than the other scales, bigger and more resilient. His fingers and toes
are webbed, ending in surprisingly sharp claws. Greenish fins grows from his
scalp, running down his neck to join with much larger, almost wing like fins.
Similar fins are set upon his forearms and on the scaly ridges above his green,
glassy eyes. His nose lies close to his face, the nostrils merely slits.
Saran2010-06-23 05:11:46
I really need a proper lucidian description for Saran... and trill cause right now he's still got the same description as my faeling which kinda works but not really(wings with shifting rainbow hues and you know... actual hair on his head)

He is a feathered cloud trill changeling and stands tall, despite keeping the otherwise diminuitive build that is typical of his race. Rich brown hair has been kept long and unbound, left to fall freely around a gentle face and slim shoulders. His eyes are a soft brown and characteristically almond shaped, framed by ears that sweep back into gentle points. Faintly tinted green, his skin is additionally speckled with darker spots that appear upon his cheeks and limbs in haphazard patterns. A sudden shock of vibrant colour, extravagant wings of shifting rainbow hues sprout from his back, enabling him to easily keep aflutter.

anyone want to take a stab at making a lucidian version of this? I should be able to trill it up myself
Unknown2010-06-29 20:29:41
He is an ordinary human and stands just below six feet. His lithe form is covered in dark bronze skin, unblemished by scars. His face is finely chiselled, with a strong jaw and a aquiline nose. His eyes are a bright amber and set beneath neat, arching eyebrows. His glossy black hair is plaited intricately and pulled back in a tight scalp lock, not one stray hair out of place.

Any way to make it better?